Whatever you do, don’t come to my house - it’s a death trap!
Tables with sharp edges, hard wooden floors, drawers of poisonous cleaning supplies and...gulp...stairs. Yup. 13 of ‘em.
Did I mention it’s only a death trap if you’re approximately two-and-a-half tall and don’t yet understand the dangers of trying to close a door without first moving your fingers out of the way? Don’t breathe that sigh of relief just yet. You see the problem is that I do, in fact, live with someone who perfectly matches that description. And ever since she began walking five weeks ago, I’ve been locked in a desperate battle against my, once lovely, home to simply keep her alive. And intact. With all her fingers accounted for.
If you’re not in the know, please allow me to enlighten you. There comes a time in every parent’s life when your child goes from being a lovely little baby, content to lay on the floor and stare at a pretty hanging mobile for hours every day, to a crawling, cruising, walking toddler - for whom sharp edges, hard floors and door hinges become instruments of severe injury and/or death. Dramatic? Perhaps. But only if you’ve never walked into a room to discover, to your horror, your child trying to bite through an electric cable. And unfortunately, such dangers have never been more appealing to your little one! Which is why it’s an accepted fact that parents such as myself wait for their little ones to become juuust about mobile, and then: the ‘baby proofing’ begins.
How ridiculous, I remember thinking. Do you honestly think they bother baby proofing in the plains of Nepal? And, closer to home, do you think our very own grandparents and great-grandparents ran around covering everything pointy? Did they ‘eck! They were too busy fighing t’Nazis and recovering from a hard day down t’pit. They relied on instilling common sense (and possibly clipping us round the ear if we ate anything we weren’t meant to).
But times have changed. Apparently we ‘know better’ now. Ahem.
But it’s a big job and it takes time to make a home completely baby friendly so, in the meantime, my husband and I find ourselves engaged in near-constant ‘helicopter’ parenting. Yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like and, according to Supernanny, a terrrrrible thing to do as it doesn’t teach your child independence, blah, blah, blah.
If she was ready for independence, she wouldn’t keep trying to pull the television on top of herself now would she? I think not.