Column: Agony Aunt says he's just not into you so move on
QUESTION: Last month I went out drinking with my friends in town and drank more than usual.
I met a man in a bar and we got talking, then kissing then I went back to his house. This isn’t my normal behaviour and I feel really embarrassed, especially as he hasn’t called me since and my friends keep asking me when I will see him again. Should I go round and see him to find out why?
ANSWER: Stop right there! No you shouldn’t go round and see him, he hasn’t had the decency to ring you so that should tell you enough. I wish I’d heard the phrase “he just isn’t that into you” 30 years ago, It would have saved me a lot of heartache and waiting.
Its hard to take but there’s nothing worse being pestered by someone who you don’t feelthe same way about.
If you are single and owe no-one an explanation then at the very least get a sexual health check (0114 276 6928). There is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, it should be part of any active adult’s essential maintenance scheme. It is the ultimate in taking responsibility for your own decisions. Tell your friends to grow up and chalk it up toexperience, you tried it once you didn’t enjoy the results, now you know. Get to know
someone first before making yourself vulnerable.
If you are going to sleep with someone you’ve never met before know the rules and go somewhere safe and of course play safe.You are very lucky that he wasn’t a villain. Not many people can honestly say that they don’t form some sort of emotional attachment after sex but it by no means guarantees that the other person will feel the same way. Not everyone has a strong enough ego for casual relationships (and a lot of it is ego).
If you have found that your are looking for affirmation from casual encounters you may want to address your self-esteem. Is that really all that you have to offer? If your egon eeds a boost (and let’s face it, sex is a very strong basic human need), fine, as long as you don’t hurt the other person. But to risk your vulnerable ego as well as possibly your
safety is too big a gamble. Get to know yourself and what you enjoy, prize yourself, yore not a chew-toy to entertain someone for a short while then get dropped. Being respected starts with yourself.His loss. Don’t get bitter or ashamed.
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and know that at least you’ll have something to giggle about in your dotage.