It was a quiet Friday afternoon and I was having a relaxing stroll round the aisles of our local supermarket, having surveyed the vast range of teabags and coffee I made my way to the washing powder mountain.
Without the aid of a sat nav it can be a tricky journey as supermarkets love to surprise you by moving things on an almost daily basis.
I made a right turn into what I thought was a direct route to the powder mountain, but no, I found myself surrounded by breakfast cereals.
I moved on hoping to locate a way out, a refuge, a place of peace and harmony, but this was a supermarket and my trouble was only starting for advancing from every direction were crazed females all armed with a trolley taking the role of a battering ram and being used to great effect.
I didn’t realise at the time but I had placed myself in front of a two-for-one offer on the latest detergent. You know the sort, it makes everything so clean you glow in the dark.
I was beginning to panic as by now the trolley drivers had started to circle with a distinct look of evil in their eyes and I knew that the end of my journey was perilously close.
Without warning I was rammed from every possible direction culminating in my being catapulted to a place I didn’t want to be – ie the frozen fish counter.
I could still hear them, chattering louder than a flock of geese. Is that why they are sometimes referred to as a gaggle of women?
And another thing about you ladies, what is all this volunteering your other half to undertake jobs they are not aware of.
For example: “I know you won’t mind but I have told Mary at 27 you will move her piano to the tip on Saturday and her and Fred are going to the airport at 1am Sunday morning and you would take them to save them money”.
Now I know why everyone in our street is well off and I am poor.
Its all the money I am saving them. Any music lovers to help with the piano? A car trailer and the physical build of Garth are required.
This is not a serious request.
Now onto things that cause annoyance to us all – chewing gum.
What kind of gum chewers find it acceptable to discard their gum on the walkways of Doncaster?
I’ll tell you what sort they are – dirty, scruffy, couldn’t-care-less useless members of society who probably don’t pay the taxes needed to clean up their mess.
They are in good company with the spitters, a habit that is becoming more prevalent amongst the younger generation ,no doubt inspired by the football and pop star so-called role models who possibly believe that us simple mortals are here to give them our money and attend their every whim.
* Bill Morrison, Member and former chairman, Doncaster 50 Plus group